Where do we go from here

Being a mom of a special needs child, it is very difficult not to look at what you are missing out on. We are a normal family from the outside. Mother, Father, Daughter, Son. Mother and Father both work outside the home. We come home, make dinner, get the kids ready for bed, clean dinner dishes, put kids to bed and then soon after we fall asleep ourselves. We have a daughter who does before and after school activities. We both have meetings at work and sometimes work late or have to travel for our work or other professional interests. We save most of our family chores for the weekend when we have days off that we can devote to all the things we missed during the week...food shopping, laundry, cleaning, yard work and sometimes we have time left over for something fun.

What are those choices? We can take our daughter to a movie if one of us stays home with Daniel since he doesn't really like loud noises and would probably talk during the movie (we don't really know since we've never taken him). We can take the kids to the playground and there is a nearby special needs playground nearby that both kids love. This proves to be a nice hour to hour and a half excursion if it is a nice day--not too hot and not too cold. The children's museum is indoors but our daughter has outgrown it and for the most part Daniel is not interested.

Having Alison first spoiled us in many ways--she had/has such an imagination and was/is able to play for hours on end with just a stick and a rock. Daniel has never really been into toys until more recently but not as much. We can see him play for maybe a half hour tops but then it always comes back to TV.

Yes, the dreaded television. Daniel has become so into television and it is part our fault as well because what do you do with a boy who does not like toys much and who doesn't walk or play with other peers on the weekend? Where do we go from here? We are stuck. We have a rut so to speak. What do we do? We are not in a position to spend much money so going places that require a lot of money is not really an option. We want to get out, be active, do more with our kids but how? With Daniel how? We need help. We need something to save us from the spiral that we are going down.

More Bang for the Buck

Daniel had a dentist appointment yesterday. It is clear that in this one area my kids are not mine since they do not try to hide for several weeks at the mention of a dentist appointment. My kids actually like the dentist. This is a good thing because I am pretty certain I caused my own dentist a lot of physical pain and I don't think that needs to continue.

Daniel has been to the dentist a total of 6 times (once per year) and he keeps getting better and better. When we first took him (due to his sensitivities in his mouth) he had to be held in my lap with several assistants and the dentist all holding him down. Then while he screamed, the dentist could peak inside his mouth. Like I said, he is getting better. Yesterday had him sitting in the chair all by himself just like a big boy. The dental assistant was showing him all the equipment to make him feel more comfortable. She let him hold a bigger (and plastic) version of the mirror they put in your mouth. I was surprised and impressed when she asked Daniel if her mirror was bigger and he said, "Nooooo." Then she asked him who has the bigger mirror and right away he said, "ME!"

Waiting for the dentist took a little while but Daniel happily talked and talked and looked around the room. When the dentist came in, we decided to leave him in the exam chair and I just held his legs (so he wouldn't kick the poor man) and his hands. He didn't scream and actually opened his mouth every now and then. Enough for the dentist to take a look and do a little brushing. No Cavities!

Daniel has actually been saying for months that his, "teeth hurt." With Daniel, it is difficult to know if he really does hurt somewhere or if he just heard someone say that and is repeating it. Nevertheless, since it went on for so long we wanted to check it out. Low and behold Daniel is getting his 6 year molars in and they can push on all the other teeth and cause pain. The dentist wasn't too concerned with them right now.

I started to ask the dentist and it was interesting that he knew exactly what I was about to ask. My question: "Will there come a time...?" The dentist knew. Yes, he said there will be a time but not until we take him in and he can have "more bang for the buck." So, if his molars cause his front teeth to become crooked and then they start to develop plaque then we would take him to the hospital and the dentist could remove some baby teeth and seal the molars and straighten the front teeth and do a cleaning all under "one roof." It was interesting how he explained to me all very casually. Very much as if this happens to all children (which I know it does not). He was very matter-of-fact and just knew what I was asking and what I needed to hear--we will not put Daniel under unless we really really need to. I think he would've been a great dentist for me, I am sure he wouldn't have been upset with me when I kicked him right in the...Ah well, so we got that all checked out.

Now this morning Daniel said his eye was hurting. My response: "Oh my goodness!" His response: "Oh my goodness!"

Now he is six

Daniel turned six years old yesterday. It is so hard for me to believe that six years have gone by. We are so lucky to have our little man. He is such a happy-go-lucky kid and LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to be around people.

Daniel actually doesn't get the whole birthday thing in it's entirety. I know he loves the cake and I know he enjoys the attention from the people around him but as for presents--he could care less and the whole candles on the cake thing is lost to him. It is okay though because I don't think his sister has any problem being the one to open all of the presents.

It is really something as simple as a birthday to bring it to reality how very different Daniel is from other kids. Given the choice he would've picked just singing and hanging out with grandma and papa and his friends versus opening a bunch of presents/playing with presents or even acknowledging it is his birthday. I actually do not think he has fully pieced together yet, what a birthday really is. It is okay though, we celebrate the day no matter what because that was the day that our little bald headed baby boy came into our lives.

We had no idea then when he was born or even several months after, that he would become a very special child, though I have to say I think he was always special. He made our family complete back then and continues to do so every day. He turned six and I am reminded of this poem by A.A. Milne:

When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three
I was hardly me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five, I was just alive.
But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever,
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.

Thinking of this poem reminds me of something else A.A. Milne wrote that I really think pertains to both my kids as they have just started school as well. My daughter should have this quote written down everywhere she goes but more than that, my kids need to believe it--as really all kids should:

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Happy Birthday Daniel! Happy First Week of School Kids! Love you both so much!