Thanksgiving Do Over

Last year for Thanksgiving we were in North Carolina visiting with Jason's sister and family. Last year I fell down the stairs and had to spend Thanksgiving in the ICU in a hospital in North Carolina. Away from my family.

This year we had every intention of going back to NC and having a do-over of sorts. Unfortunately I got sick (nothing as major as a lacerated spleen). I just did not feel at all up to traveling. So, we had our own Thanksgiving dinner at home.

My parents came over and Jason and I cooked the whole meal together. While this may not be that out of the ordinary for most people, it was out of the ordinary for us as a family.

Since I have known Jason, we have gotten together with his family for Thanksgiving. When we were first dating and engaged we would have Thanksgiving dinner in NJ with his mom, sister, her husband and my parents (a strange combination I agree). When Alison was born we traveled to NC to have Thanksgiving at his sisters house with my parents and his mom in tow.

When we moved to NC and his mom moved as well, it was an easier commute to his sisters just two hours away.

Over the years we had variations on the same theme. Some years my parents couldn't travel to NC from NJ and last year they just decided to stick it out in VA, only to come a week later to drive me home from the hospital.

We used to say (before Alison was born) that it would all be different when we had kids and it was.

Yesterday I was reminiscing about my Thanksgivings when I was a child which were one of my happiest, one of my fondest memories. I felt comfort, I felt loved and I felt safe. I reminisced about this and Jason said, "you want to go back to that." I said that really I wanted my children to have all the same feelings.

What I get from Thanksgiving (besides a belly ache) is this yearning to have special memories for my children. I have always been about traditions, and it means more to me than anything for my children to have traditions too. Something they can cling to when things are not right.

I feel that I don't provide this enough for my children. They have no real religious believes and no sense of belonging. I have failed them in this way. Though I do feel that with Thanksgiving at least, I can provide a little bit of that for them. Just may need to not get sick or be in the hospital.