Mourning the loss

My aunt died this week.

While she never got to meet Daniel or really Alison for that matter (except when Alison was a month old), she was a big influence in my life.

She died of lung cancer and around the same time that she was first diagnosed, we started to realize something wasn't right with Daniel.

My aunt worked with adults and children with cerebral palsy and she was very helpful in identifying some of the things that Daniel may have trouble with. While she was going through chemo we were in the process of having our lives changed by Daniel's diagnosis. There was a time that she was done with chemo and it seemed as though the cancer was gone. Unfortunately though it only took a year and a half from her diagnosis until she passed away.

She was a fighter though. She only went on her terms. She was in hospice for quite a while and when all her doctors said "only a few more days," she proved them all wrong. She had a strong will--runs in the family--something I have, something Alison has and yes, something Daniel has as well. She was my closest aunt you might say. She was the one I saw most and got to know the best. I know that there is still a lot she could have taught me and a lot I could have learned.

I wanted so much for her to know my kids to meet Daniel and to help us in this fight with Daniels diagnosis. She was a fighter of causes and would not take no for an answer. I will miss her for her strength. I wanted so bad to visit her too many times before she was diagnosed and during her treatment. I wanted to take the kids and go up there to NY and for her to finally see the real adult me.

She too wanted to visit us and for a brief time thought she might get strong enough to make the drive down. I did get to visit her finally in May while she was still very sick she did still have some energy and a taste only for sushi. My brother and I went to visit the same weekend and it was nice but too short and too long in the making.

My only regret is not taking the time to go while she was still healthy. Or not insisting that she visit before she fell ill. I often think that there will be time, next summer vacation, winter break, spring break but then life gets in the way. You realize when it is too late that the time was there all along you just thought you were too busy.

Goodbye Lois, please watch over our precious boy.