The Special Mother

When I first became a mother I felt in over my head. I imagine that I am not the only mother to feel that way with a newborn. I wasn't sure how to care for this precious little life that was given to me. I learned, but slowly and I am in no way an expert at this parenting thing. By the time Daniel came, I can't say I was any more experienced with my 3 1/2 year old. I did not have the patience, did not feel that I was overly caring though I loved (still love) my kids dearly I would never identify myself as a Mother Teresa type (not the Mommy Dearest type either though).

My point is, I would not peg myself as the mother of a child with special needs. Not that there is a mother out there who says, "Pick me! Pick me!" for a child with special needs, it is sort of thrust upon us. I just wonder how it is decided. Would Daniel have picked me had he the choice? Does he think I am strong enough? I cannot say that I believe in a higher power with 100% certainty. I have my issues with all of that, but I recently read how a "Special Mother" is chosen and it really made sense to me:

The Special Mother

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."