Sometimes, It is just Hard

This parenting thing is not for the lighthearted.

I am not complaining or anything. I love both of my children dearly and would never once want anything different than to be a mom to both of them, but let me tell you, it is not easy.

We have one special needs child, which no doubt comes with challenges and obstacles almost daily, but some days those challenges can be even more difficult to deal with.

Daniel is usually very happy and smiling and a charming little boy, but when he gets upset--he gets upset. The other day he spent the entire day with grandma and papa and when I picked him up to take him home, maybe it was a lack of a nap or the fact that he was leaving them or maybe it was because he was watching Raffi and didn't want that to end, but we got in the car and away he went. He proceeded to cry all the way home, when we got home and almost all the way up until bedtime. I picked him up at 4:30 and he doesn't go to bed until about 7:30 or 8:00pm. These times are hard. It is different then when Alison was his age and got upset because we used to tell her to use her words. With Daniel, he doesn't have very many words to use to express his feelings and so he just proceeds to scream. The other thing is that Daniel is delayed and this is actually temper tantrum behavior that we would typically see at the 2-3 year old mark even though he is 4 and a half years old. It is just hard to know how to deal with him in these situations. Distraction doesn't work, music (normally a great distraction) doesn't work and we are left trying to ignore the screaming tantrum that (if rewarded) would demonstrate that screaming is the way to get what he wants.

It isn't all about Daniel though. Those mainstream kids will sneak up on you with their own problems too. Alison has always been a very "dreamy" kind of girl. She is so very good at going into her own "world" and making up stories, but that has unfortunately gotten her into trouble. The other part is that she is a perfectionist and when things don't go exactly the way she has planned, then the whole world is going to blow up! She is also very dramatic. She came home from school crying the other day and apparently she had a bad day. The point is that we need to help her find tools to control her emotions and work through those times when she loses focus and when things are not going according to plan.

She said last night that she felt like a "special needs kid," and we told her that she is not, but just like Daniel needs a wheelchair because he cannot walk, she needs tools to help her too. It is hard.

Like I said though, both of these kids are my world and I would not trade them for anything in the whole wide world, but they both should have come with a disclaimer so that we knew what to expect. I am afraid too that this is really only the very beginning.

I am a parent in progress.