Ramblings

Lately I have started and stopped several posts in my mind. I have titled them and finished some of them, but really have not been able to actually sit down and put them in the computer.

Finally as I sit here I have an assortment of posts running around and hence the title of this one.

Daniel has recently started the special ed program with the city school. This is a good thing and is the main reason why we moved to the city in the first place. His therapist(s) will be coming weekly, sometimes twice a week and hopefully Daniel's progress thus far will not slow due to the transition.

He is on the verge of so many things. Everyday he demonstrates something new. Small but new and wonderful. He can sip from a straw, he can hold a spoon and help feed himself. He puckers his lips and gives kisses. He points to things and he is learning so many new signs and demonstrates his knowledge everyday.

Daniel is also becoming a typical 2 year old in a not so typical 2 year old body. He is wanting what he wants when he wants it but is getting very frustrated at not being able to communicate his wants. His limits are becoming clear to him and to us.

At this point outsiders could still say it is just his age, his inability to talk and not necessarily his disability, but it is apparent that his disability is ever so present.

Jason said the other night that he is not sad about Daniels disability at all and that he loves Daniel for what he is. That he wouldn't want him any other way and I am in complete agreement except, if it could be another way, I would want it that way.

I find I am still angry, bitter. Not sure at who though. Is it god or something/someone else? I just don't think it is fair. What does the future hold for my sweet boy? Why must he go through this already tough life with an even tougher obstacle? Did I do something to make this happen? Why him? Why can't I be the one to have such an obstacle and he be normal?

I think a lot about the brain now. The brain doesn't get mentioned much in our posts nor does it get mentioned much in our house but it is an ever present force in what happened and can still happen with Daniel. How is it that the brain at such a young age in the developmental stage of the embryo can have such a huge impact on the rest of a persons life? What goes on? How is it's effect changed or can it be changed? There is so little we know about the brain. It is such a huge part of our being that remains so mysterious. One day I hope that there will be more answers than questions. One day I hope I will be less angry at this disease and more able to kick its ass.